Relatable podcast 

Dr. Liz:
Like, how do you vet women for your men? Like, what do you look for specifics in terms of their lifestyle or their income or things like that?

 

Gina Hendrix:
You listen, I'm constantly testing everybody in some ways, you know, when I meet them in person, certainly it's do they show up on time or even or even when I'm zooming with them? Do they show up on time? Have they put effort into their appearance when they're meeting me? Some women have shown up on Zoom with a filter on their camera, and I'm like, Honey, we can't use a filter. I got to see what you look like. And then she'll turn the filter off. It's like, my. Back on my butt. Nope.

 

Dr. Liz:
This is relatable. Relationships unfiltered. Hey, welcome to Relatable Relationships Unfiltered. Today I'm hanging out with Gina Hendrix, matchmaker and dating coach. She gives me some insights into what men are looking for, and she validates my opinion on who should pay that first date check. All right, Gina, So you're going to help me find a man here with your magical approach to this matchmaking thing?

 

Gina Hendrix:
My magical matchmaking. Powers, Maybe.

 

Dr. Liz:
I guess we're about to find out. Tell us what you do as a matchmaker. I have clients that ask me about that quite a bit. You know, working a lot in relationships and struggle. People who struggle with the dating apps or like our so many of us are so busy, so we struggle meeting people organically. And so I have clients who ask like, should I find a matchmaker? What does that look like to work with the matchmaker?

 

Gina Hendrix:
Well, it gets really, it really depends. Yeah. You know, I feel like I'm kind of a snob. I'll be honest. I'm a snob when it comes to matchmaking because there's so many people that will literally are willing to work with anybody. As long as their money is green, they'll take it type of thing. And I think that really the my secret sauce is just being very, very particular. But, you know, the other side of the coin is, you know, I don't have like endless people on my roster. I have a lot of ladies in my database. But in terms of clients, it's men who hire me. So in terms of that, I just it's it's a small pool of guys because if I don't think a guy's the right fit or women aren't going to like him, I will work with him. So and I don't advise matchmaking, like for women to hire matchmakers, I don't do that.

 

Dr. Liz:
Okay. Tell me about that.

 

Gina Hendrix:
well, because it's, you know, it's a hard thing to do in reverse in and matchmakers know that. But they get greedy about money. You know, they don't want to turn anybody down, even if they know. And I had so many conversations with women on almost a daily basis of them paying matchmakers, you know, 25,000, 30,000. And then they didn't help them at all. I mean, this one woman's case is terrible. It's one of the worst situations I've heard of. She in fact, I've even helped women get their money back from other matchmakers. yeah. Because it really upsets me. But but this one woman, she's she's out of Texas. She was a divorced or widowed, I forget, but quite wealthy and paid this matchmaker $30,000. And the matchmaker, you know, the person who was her matchmaker. And really, you know, these people are like was a barista at Starbucks, you know, last month. And now it's the matchmaker type thing. Sure. Her matchmaker is basically set her up on Match.com with a profile of Match.com and was then acting as this woman on Match.com. Not even kidding. Can't make this stuff up. Right. And so she would line up the men and on match and then say to this woman, well, now you are going to get on a call with these men that I've got lined up for you. And this poor woman, she was like an older woman, but not up to you. Old, old enough, though. And and she was like, I thought I hired you guys for, like, actual matchmaking, not setting up me up on a dating site. And they said, Well, no, that'd be another $30,000 if you wanted us to. I could not, but.

 

Dr. Liz:
my gosh. Yeah.

 

Gina Hendrix:
So anyway, so there's.

 

Dr. Liz:
A lot of scams out there with.

 

Gina Hendrix:
A lot of scams. I think you know, so my business is sort of divided into two these days. It's it's on the one side, it is men who hire me. It's only men who hire me as clients because it is challenging for matchmakers to take on a woman who can pay a hefty fee like most of us charge, including myself, and then go and get them the type of man they want. A lot of times they want a man at their level around their age who makes the same money. But those guys a lot of times might want younger, might want a different look. It's just a harder dynamic to do it in the reverse. And then you have to go to a total strange guy who's not your client and say, you know, you've got to now take my lady out on a date you've got. And it's just a harder thing. It's a harder set up. So what I have now divided my business into two and the other side of the business is I basically teach women how to be their own matchmaker. And I do it through my coaching programs and I do group coaching and one on one coaching, and then I have an upcoming blow up event. So I have women flying in from all over in two weeks. cool. The whole makeover and profile. And I'm doing the whole thing and it's going to be really fun. So I get to do those two things because I'm not going to lie. Matt I love doing matchmaking at a very, very high level. Been doing it for 15 years, but sometimes it can be a little nugget lie here because I never do soul sucking a little bit. A little bit because you hear a lot of things that men say about women. And men can be extremely particular, just like women can. But it can be a little. And then on the other hand, I can arm women with all this knowledge and intel I have from working with these, the type of men they want to meet. So it's a balance. It's a balance. I do it these days.

 

Dr. Liz:
What are some things that you look for when you take a man on as a client? So when you're saying that you're particular about that, what are some of those expectations you look for?

 

Gina Hendrix:
It's a really good question. I, I need to make sure that he is authentically ready for a real relationship. And he's not just looking to just date a bunch of women because the women I find they're counting on me to also pre-qualify him to be a man that's looking for a real relationship. I mean, a lot of the time the gorgeous women that these guys want access to, they meet a lot of men, but a lot of the guys are playing around. And so if I can say, my guy's looking for a real relationship and I can vouch for him as a person, I have to genuinely like him and be able to vouch for him. That's what I'm looking for. And you know, a lot most of the time, most of my matchmaking business has actually been through. Most of my guys have come through referrals, and I do like it when they come through referrals because then I have a bit of back story on them. But men who sort of show up without the back story or referral, sometimes it just feels like they're not really they're not really ready for a serious relationship. It does feel like they're playing around because when it gets to the part where I'm meeting with them and if they're not in L.A., we get on a zoom, they're in their car driving, and that's not a real meeting. Like that tells me right away they're not serious. They're not taking me seriously or they're surprised about the fee. And it's like, how did they not do the research? How did they not know what's happening here? You know what I mean? Right. Very careful. Because if I don't I'm not interested in working with a guy who who's just not serious about the process, you know, or if I don't, women are going to like him if I think he's, like, shooting out of his league. One man, for example, wanted me to kind of lie about his age for like ten years, which is substantial until it makes me very uncomfortable.

 

Dr. Liz:
Because eight.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Women are going to figure it out and then they're going to come to me and say, Well, why didn't you know? But I can't play dumb about it because I just look good. So it's just things like these, you know, things like this.

 

Dr. Liz:
Yeah. Yeah. And I would imagine even like talking about somebody taking that meeting from their car and things like that, that would be an indication of not only how serious are not serious they're taking you, but then probably how serious or not serious they're going to take a relationship ship. But also some of that is just like so arrogant. And so then to.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Agree that.

 

Dr. Liz:
Somebody's up with that. Yeah.

 

Gina Hendrix:
No, I totally agree. And, you know, and it's like they're just they have no, you know, I take people and then I tell a boy, I tell them, though, I'm not, you know, I'm nice, but I'm not that nice because they're used to talking to matchmakers who will kiss their ass basically, because they just want the dollars and not me. I'll tell them straight up. Like, you don't seem like you're serious about this. You know, I just. I read them the riot act. What?

 

Dr. Liz:
What is the process of, like, in taking somebody into your as a client?

 

Gina Hendrix:
So you mean and we're talking about men, right?

 

Dr. Liz:
Sorry about men. Yeah. So they. They become a client. They reach out. You set up that meeting. What does that process look like?

 

Gina Hendrix:
Initial. So initially I put, you know, and again, I think they're not used to they think they're interviewing me, but I'm really interviewing them. Right. So initially they have I have like a brief intake form on a website that they do, tells me a little bit about them enough so that I know you know, because right out of the gate, to be honest, if a man doesn't make enough money, he's not going to be the right client for me because my fear substantial and I'm not interested in somebody scraping together their nickels to work work with me. That's I don't want to do that. So if if he's you know, if he's not looking for a real relationship, if he doesn't make enough money, quite frankly, but then I get on a call with him and then I dig deeper and I find out more about what he's looking for. This is where I'm trying to really get a feel for him and his lifestyle, because even if he's wealthy and I turn down a billionaire out of Texas, I'll just say and, you know, and he seemed nice enough, but he he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to get women on his plane and travel to the moon and party. And my ladies don't like that. So I get a feel for them on the initial call. And then I will do a follow up, zoom with them, or together we review possible matches who I'm just guessing out of the gate at that point because I haven't seen him yet. I really need to see him. But I make it very clear to the guys that it's almost a litmus test in a way, because if they're not attracted to like the ladies in my database, then I know this might not be the right match, you know, based on their feedback. And but sometimes they think they're ordering off like, you know, a hamburger menu. They think the women I'm showing them are the women. They're there. And I'm like, these women are free to say yes or no. They may not like you. You know what? And so, yeah, so I put them through those paces and, and usually it's probably takes a couple of weeks, sometimes a little more back and forth talking and me asking more questions and getting to know them a bit before I really decide that this is going to work.

 

Dr. Liz:
And then once you guys start working together, is it like X number of dates that they get set up on or like how does that process go?

 

Gina Hendrix:
Yeah, it's a great question too, because I don't really get these these questions specifically about my business, So I like it. Thank you. But, you know, I've done big deals where they're just I sign them and it's just unlimited introductions and then we're both in it together for all these introductions, but it's usually your contract. And then it's interesting. This is something interesting. If anybody ever wants to be a matchmaker, don't make this mistake. I made it for a very long time like men in the beginning of my business because they wanted to pay half the fee would say, Well, what about a six month deal? And I would sometimes say, okay, well, sure, because I needed the money. But here's the deal. Six months you're doing double the work because I'm giving you a year to do what you need to do. Now you've got to work twice as hard. So now if somebody says, what about six months, I say, Sure, but that's double the fee because I got to work fast, you see. Yeah. Because it's unrealistic to think you're going to find. That's why I like when some matchmaking companies, they'll make these three month deals with people and it's so unrealistic for them to to actually and they know they can't do it in three months. I mean that's next to impossible. People don't even really reveal themselves, I would say, until about five or six dates in maybe four or five, it depends. But so the way I like to do it now and it's really because I really want to get to know them and see if I want to continue working with them. So usually what I'll do now is I'll do a set number of introductions and I don't even set it in a particular time frame. I'll say like, okay, it'll be $25,000 for eight introductions, let's say. And that's and I do that for me as well as them, because after because I know I can deliver, but I can't guarantee until I start working with somebody if the women are going to like them or if I'm going to end up really liking them like I was hoping. So at the end of eight introductions, usually either I don't want to work with them again or I've set them up and found them somebody or they will just renew and do eight more introductions. And then we just go like that, you know what I mean? And it's just it's a I feel like from doing this 15 years, that is a way better structure because it builds trust on both ends.

 

Dr. Liz:
So do they keep working with you, like while they're dating? So if they're like multiple dates in, do they like, are you still coaching them or.

 

Gina Hendrix:
So if I so if I set somebody up, I usually like things to be very clean and clear. So occasionally I'll set somebody up and they're like, I like her, Gina But I'm not sure yet. Can I go out with somebody else? And, and so I will, in that case, set them up with somebody else. But I don't let any of that linger that long. I don't like limbo. I don't want her to be hanging or, you know, because a lot of times if women are smart, they'll keep in touch with me and they'll keep me in the loop. So they'll come back and they'll say, Gina, you know, has you asked to be set up any more? You know, and that's a smart question to ask me, and I'm not going to lie. And so I'll tell my guys, hey, listen, she's going to ask and I'm going to be honest with her. So if you're not interested, because I find men either. No. Or they don't know, that's really the truth. Women, we can we can become more attracted to somebody we can like. But men are not really. They're either into a woman or they're not. And so there's really no point in letting her linger. It's like that's what people do when they're in the dating app world, when there's nobody sort of overseeing the chaos. You know, when I'm in the mix, I really try to keep everybody honest and their intentions clear. And so I don't like the murky waters. I don't like that.

 

Dr. Liz:
Yeah, I could certainly use a babysitter when it comes to dating.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Me as.

 

Dr. Liz:
Mine is rather chaotic as well. But in that dating app world, for sure, when you put women on your database, as you're saying, how do they find you online or how do they find you and what's that process?

 

Gina Hendrix:
Sure. So most of the women these days actually are coming through. Tick tock, because I've gotten a little popularity tick tock in the last few years. And so most of the women, like the women who are flying in for my glow up and all my stuff, it's mostly all tick tock ladies these days. But the way we do it, I because of tick tock, I've had to kind of reformat the structure. So when a man comes to me, I've amassed a huge great database. Right? But, but women go on and off the market. And so just because they're in my database doesn't mean they're actually single right now. I don't know. They could have met somebody yesterday or a month ago. I don't keep in touch with everybody on the regular. You know, there's too many women to keep up with. But so when a man comes to me, I find out exactly what he's looking for. And then I start a new search for him. And I have scouts that are constantly on the lookout. So there's they're constantly scouting for exactly what that guy is looking for. But I initially go to my database is the very first go to. So I'll start setting him up with women in the database that I think could be a match for him. While we're strategically scouting women for him in addition. But so the three ways is we either have scouted a woman and given her a code to fill out a profile because I know that I feel strongly that I have a match for her or women if they don't know me at all and they've not been personally scouted, then they can fill out a premium profile on my database, which there is a fee for that because I end up getting on a zoom with them because I find honestly, most people their profile photos are so shitty, like you can't even send them. I can't even send them out. Just the other day. Just the other day I was about to. I'm in the process of signing this new man. He's a Christian man in the South. And I was like, okay, let me see who I have for him. And I was like, she'd be good. She because she'd be good. And I go to look at their profiles and I'm like, they didn't they didn't do good photos. And and I might have even done a zoom with them and told them to update their photos and they still didn't. And they're in the shadows and they're not. Because I know if I send that profile, they're going to get a no, even though I might think they're great. Yeah, if a guy sees those unflattering photos or even one unflattering photo, it's going to be a no. So this way, when they do a premium profile, I'm on a zoom with them. I walk them through whether I think their photos are good enough. Usually they're not. And then I give them an assignment to redo their photos. I even show them examples of good photos. I'm like literally holding their hand to ensure they actually have a profile that I can send out because it doesn't do anybody any good to fill out a free profile. For me, if if it's a hideous profile that I can't send, what makes a shitty or hideous profile. I would. Be, my God. Well, I'll just let's just talk about the woman's profile that I saw the other day where I was just like, What are you doing? Three of the photos were from her back, like, from behind. Okay. And I know you people want to go. that nobody to do that. Are you kidding? I see so many things like this or like, she's really, really, really tiny and, like, the scenery is great. There's no man that's going to say, God, I've got a day here because the scenery is so good. You don't care about the scenery, All right? They don't want to see you. Small, small, small. In the shadows with a great scenery. And she just give me a lot of that. Or like. Like there was, like, the glare in her eye, like the reflection, and the picture looked weird or just. I mean, I've seen it all. And the thing is also one big thing is when the photos don't all match up. So if you look a little younger here, a little older here, a little thinner, they're a little heavier and your photos are sort of all over the place. That's also not going to be good. You know, I mean, the ideal thing for me, I only need three great photos to show. My guys need to see a great straight on, great like like this, straight on happy, smiling or or I've coached girls and given him all these tips and then they come back. Do you know what about these new photos? And they're like, smile, like resting bitch face. And I can't like, I mean, literally they look so miserable and they're trying to get a date with, like, you know, it's like, no, you've got to be sick. Not too sexy, though. I've seen some of that, too. That's not good. You've got to be playful, sexy, sophisticated. But the lighting's got to be really good. You've got to be happy. Clear. It's just straight forward photos with great lighting and got to see your body clearly. And you got to see your face and your personality, you know?

 

Dr. Liz:
So do you. Are there other like how do you vet women for your man? Like, what do you look for specifics in terms of their lifestyle or their income or things like that?

 

Gina Hendrix:
You listen. I'm constantly testing everybody in some ways, you know, some ways might be a little unconscious on my part, but some are intentional. So, you know, when I meet them in person, certainly it's do they show up on time or even or even when I'm zooming with them, do they show up on time? Have they put effort into their appearance when they're meeting me? Are they do they some women have shown up on Zoom with a filter on their camera. And I'm like, Honey, we can't use the filter. I got to see what you look like. And then she'll turn the filter off. It's like, My back on my butt. Now we're totally getting ready to it. And so I've got to get a feel for people's personalities, you know? Can they laugh? Can they laugh at themselves or and I know some people are they end up tell me, I was so nervous to meet you, Gina. But but I'm really good at kind of reading between the lines, you know, are they really vague? When I try to ask them questions, are they just can I not I try to be able to connect the dots with people So if they can't explain their lifestyle, if they can't, you know, if just something feels off to me, I'm I'm looking for these things, you know?

 

Dr. Liz:
Yeah. So you meet with all of the women then that you have one on one. You said what what are some things that men are looking for? So like if you're asking these questions, you know, you're trying to get to understand the woman, their lifestyle or all of those things. What are some things that men look for it?

 

Gina Hendrix:
You know, it varies from guy to guy, right? But I mean, I think and people don't really think this through so, like, if I'm talking to a woman who, you know, says to me, well, I can and I'm like, yeah, I don't really have any, you know, guys in Minnesota for you to date, you know, And she'll be like, I can travel. It's fine. I said, really? Because you have a young child. You have a young child. What's your, like, custody arrangement? You know? And she's like, well, he he has him, you know, every other week or whatever. I'm like, okay, that's great. But then could you relocate? Because ultimately guys are going to relate. So women a lot of times aren't really thinking that through. So my guys are a lot of times they depending on where they are in life, right? So my younger guys and I've had clients, my guys have been you moving around with that dog, trying.

 

Dr. Liz:
To get that light off my face.

 

Gina Hendrix:
That's what I so. So should I do it to just. Yeah, like dancing, you know. So some of my guys, if they're younger, the important things they're looking for is somebody who is educated, has a great career and, and is in and they're really looking for a lot of things in common because, you know, I feel like any man, what I've learned is when they're looking for a long term partner, when they're really serious, they really do care about all those details where most women are like, most guys don't care about my education, most guys don't. I'm like, That's because you haven't met a guy who probably didn't you probably didn't have a great education. He probably didn't have a great career, so he didn't care about yours. But when a man is very educated and when he's serious about a partner, then then the details about what she brings to the table kind of matters. But then I find those who have been divorced are in a different part of their lives. So they'd still want a woman who's smart, but their focus becomes more on really lifestyle in terms of is she flexible to travel because he's at a place it's kids are probably grown and gone. So now his partner, he wants somebody who can golf with them. He wants somebody who can go on the trips and travel like he does. So it becomes more of a lifestyle match at that point. Whereas I feel like the younger guys, what they're looking for is somebody who's who can be a great mom and who's educated but who's but who also is like their equal in a lot of ways. Do you know what I mean?

 

Dr. Liz:
Sure. Yeah. So that makes sense. Like depending on where they are at the stage of their lives is is going to shift what they're looking for. So you work with men and women, though, all over the country. That's not specific to your area?

 

Gina Hendrix:
No, all over the country. I mean, I've had clients all over the United States and and different parts of of Europe and and Paris and Dubai and London and Morocco and yeah, and I'm talking to women and I'm talking to one man in India right now. I'm not certain he's very sweet, but I'm not certain yet about him he he wants. So here's what's interesting. He likes he said curvy, but he was he didn't mean curvy because I like to see visual. He likes very very plus size ladies like and he and he's like 510 and he says even a lady like six feet tall, you know, plus like, you know, and, and I have to admit, I'm not I, you know, every guy shows up with a unique request. I have not gotten that request before, you know what I mean? And he's in India and he doesn't want to meet women in India. He wants to meet Western women.

 

Dr. Liz:
So is that going to work?

 

Gina Hendrix:
I know the most matchmakers. All they care about is his money, but I worry about all of this stuff. So I told him, I said, Well, you've got to get more pictures. He went out right away and got pictures like the next day. He's like, Yes, ma'am, how can we proceed? And I'm like, I don't know yet. I'm not sure. I told him just today. I said, I'm still doing my research. I'm going to get back to you. So I don't know. I think what I'm going to end up telling him is that I'm going to ask for and this is not what any figure would ever do, but this is what I do, because I feel like if if if anybody could help him, it's me. Sure. And I feel like I'm going to ask him for a deposit as some sort of deposit, and that'll at least get me started doing this search for him, because it is going to be a new search. And I want him to come to L.A. and meet me. And if he's willing to do all those things because he's going to have to be coming. So because I'll never have any woman fly out of the country to meet him, I would never do that. Even my guys who are in different states dating women, they fly to meet the women. We don't fly the women here. I'm not comfortable with that. I want the women to be as comfortable as possible. You know, So he would have to be going to wherever these ladies are, which is going to be in the in America, because he wants to meet them in America. So I need him to understand what he's in for before I can fully commit to him.

 

Dr. Liz:
Is he willing to relocate? Does that sound.

 

Gina Hendrix:
What you said? He says he's open to it. He says he has a family in New York and other places. And. Yeah, I don't know. And, you know.

 

Dr. Liz:
No, no. Very interesting that I mean, that's quite the trek for eight first dates, right? That's like.

 

Gina Hendrix:
I know. I know so well heck, it's going to be quite the quite the trek for just coming to meet me and maybe I'm going to give him to date while he's here, you know. And so but if he's willing to do that then I'm, then I, I might commit to him, you know, But I want the women to give me feedback. I just I don't know, man. It's a big response. I take this business so seriously, probably too seriously, but I'd probably be a lot wealthier if I did. But, you know, if I did the way most bachelors do. But I take my business very seriously because I care deeply about people. And and I just I just I want to do right by people. That's this the bottom line. You know, some women who's in the database are like, do you know, why don't you have a match for me? Well, a lot of times I'm looking out for them. I mean, listen, I could probably set them up if I was willing to lower my standards on my guys and have a lot more guys on my roster, but I'm not willing to do that.

 

Dr. Liz:
Do you have a cap on the number of women you have in your database?

 

Gina Hendrix:
No. And there's the endless supply because again, they go on and off the market and it's also like you almost have to have a little something for everybody. Different ages, different. I mean, there's just so many variables involved. This this is so hard that you really kind of have to have an even if you have like the perfect match, I could call her tomorrow and she might not have heard from me in six months and she might already be in a relationship. I mean, so you really have to have basically a lot of inventory, for lack of a better word, you know.

 

Dr. Liz:
And what are some of the tips that you give it or like when you do the coaching for women and you know, all of when you're working with them? What's that?

 

Gina Hendrix:
All that jazz?

 

Dr. Liz:
Yes. What are some tips that you give them for finding a successful man or like showing up as their best selves with a successful man? Like what is different with dating somebody in that league?

 

Gina Hendrix:
Well, I have this whole thing that I call the game. And, you know, men are very familiar with the concept of the game, but women aren't. But I've learned from working with these guys, billionaires and celebrities, that they the only way to succeed is to bring your A-game. Right. And it means they're always on time. They their planners, they really have their act together. So certainly a woman can't can't be can't be a slacker in any way. If she wants to date a high level man, she literally has to be bringing her A-game as well. She can't be, you know, a few minutes late and think that's cute and. Yeah, or just or you know, some women think it's like they've gone to the Willy Wonka place and, you know, they're going to try to gather up all the gold coins and tell them about their money troubles or their struggles. It's like you cannot be doing that stuff, you know? And I also say, really, if you really want to take it up a notch, because I think a lot of these men, they're used to women wanting gifts. They're used to giving gifts. So early into the relationship, I tell the women, because I do think sometimes it's an unconscious test on a man's part to see if a woman can be bought. You know, to see if she can be won over with gifts early on in. And he'll do that, I think, sometimes in lieu of putting the real work in because like shiny object over here, instead of really doing the work to get to know somebody, it's just sort of a a cheat to get to the front of the line with her. But I think that if a woman can resist the gifts and tell him, you know, you know, thank you so much. I appreciate it, but I'd rather just get to know you before you start buy me anything. But most women would never say that. I mean. Because. You know, they want the they want those Louis Vuitton, Louboutins and the Louis Vuitton purse and all the gifts and all the stuff. But but if if they could resist that, that would really separate them from most of the women these guys meet.

 

Dr. Liz:
Okay.

 

Gina Hendrix:
You'll be thrown for a loop. If she did that, you'd be like, Well, I'm sorry, what? And it will really he might not like it initially because he's just not used to hearing it. They're not used to hearing a lot of things, but if she did that, it's it's better for the long term. For sure. For sure. Because he will like it. He will appreciate it.

 

Dr. Liz:
Are there certain like traits that you see with the successful men in terms of whether it be arrogance or they're self-absorbed or is there any type of those or is that what you're weeding out when you're having these initial conversations?

 

Gina Hendrix:
Correct. I try. I try to weed that out ahead of time. I mean, listen, there's been men who got past me and I didn't know. I. Was like, I want to get myself into it. But but for the most part, I am on the lookout for that. So men who, you know, listen, I've had I've had a guy who called me up and this was two months ago. He's like. Dude, you know. Okay, you, you, I talk, you listen. He says, this is you talk, know, he says, I talk. You listen. I just want models. You got models. Just send me some models. And it was just like a LA. And I ended up calling him and I was just like, Yeah, I don't think this is going to be the right fit. Yeah, There are those men who I also think I'm a little leery of those men who don't know who they're success. They're successful and smart, very educated on stuff, but they don't care how smart or they don't care how educated or worldly or sophisticated their partner is. To me, that's a bit of a red flag because I think it's a control thing, you know what I mean? I think he'll. Feel that he'll he's going to feel like he has the upper hand. He can out smarter.

 

Dr. Liz:
Sure. yeah. That's that's smart. So that's something even to be aware of when people are dating. If somebody is not, what about, like, the age difference? Do you put any, like, boundaries around how much how many years separate than when you're doing the matchmaking?

 

Gina Hendrix:
Well, I mean, certainly, my God, if you know, listen, if somebody was 60 and they came along and wanted to date, you know, women in their thirties even, I mean, that's a stretch. But some men will come along, you know, and they'll say they want to have a second family. And they actually mean that because they have. But I'm more comfortable. And so I think really the answer to that question becomes what to it's not necessarily about the age gap. It's about how do I put this? It's about how how much life has that person lived. So like, in other words, like a woman in her forties, she's seasoned, she's smart, she sophisticated, she's probably been through a marriage or not, but she's been around at that point. So then I wouldn't be as worried about her and I wouldn't be as worried about setting her up with like a six, like so super, super wealthy men, even in their like eighties, they would date a woman. It's going to be it's probably going to be 20 years. It's probably going to be 20 years younger. Right? So she would be in her sixties, but she would be like a Halle Berry in her eyes or a no, I don't think Halle Berry Halle Berry's in her fifties. It would be like a michelle Pfeiffer who's ridiculously hot in her sixties. You know what I mean? Like it. But so, so it kind of becomes like that. So if he's in his sixties, probably the cutoff might be in the forties maybe. But although I had a movie star guy and he was amazing and sexy and fabulous, he was in his sixties and he didn't care. He would date women in their sixties as long as she was thin. And so there's exceptions. But, you know, I'm not I'm never going to like, I would be uncomfortable setting a man up in his fifties, even with a woman in in the early thirties like that, I would I would skew him to like mid to late thirties if he's looking to have kids. But these men, especially the men on dating apps where they're they're much older and they will say that they're open to kids. Well that's because they want to date younger women you know what I mean right.

 

Dr. Liz:
Yes. And I think that so for me, I date older men and so that's what I prefer. But not like 20 years, but maybe like ten, 12 years of you. 38. Okay.

 

Gina Hendrix:
You're 38 and you want to have kids.

 

Dr. Liz:
I have a 16 year old son.

 

Gina Hendrix:
What do you do? You sort of know when.

 

Dr. Liz:
I started young. Well, so.

 

Gina Hendrix:
So then would you have more kids?

 

Dr. Liz:
No, absolutely not. okay. I think that's why I like the older men, because my hopes are that they also don't want.

 

Gina Hendrix:
That puts you in a different bracket because you're kind of additive and an advantage, actually, in a lot of ways to be still young and have a kid that's pretty much grown and you don't want another one. I mean, that's like it's that's very unusual.

 

Dr. Liz:
So you're telling me I'm prime for the database, for the secondary.

 

Gina Hendrix:
For the database. And I think you prime for those men that do want to date younger but don't want to have any more kids.

 

Dr. Liz:
Yes. Yes. Which is like.

 

Gina Hendrix:
You're saying you only date ten years older. I don't really even call that older. Like when you tell me. Gina, I want to date older. I'm thinking in the fifties.

 

Dr. Liz:
I'm not opposed to early fifties. Okay. Yeah, that's not. And I think it's also because that lifestyle, though I do work a lot and that is one of my barriers to dating for sure. I own businesses and I'm just busy and so but I also I have the ability, the flexibility and the means to travel and so like that, I probably enjoy somebody who is closer in that age because that they're not raising kids. They don't have their own young kids and they also want to travel. And so I think that's also the draw for me.

 

Gina Hendrix:
And where do you live in Arizona? What? Scottsdale.

 

Dr. Liz:
The Phoenix area. Okay.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Yeah. And so have you been in matchmakers databases before? You probably are.

 

Dr. Liz:
I am not know, there was one matchmaker that's out here that she was that was probably a couple of years ago right after my divorce. And we had a meeting set up and then I then whatever ended up happening at that time, did not go to that meeting. So I let her know that I wasn't going to come. And then since then, I haven't pursued it any further, which probably would be in my best interest because the dating apps, I like what you're talking about in terms of the intentionality. So with the dating apps, as you probably know with women that you have on there, like you could end up with thousands of likes within a couple of days. Right? And so then when you're looking at that, that's overwhelming and it is so messy and it's so chaotic. So like you were saying earlier, there's no containment around it. So often what I end up doing is just not opening the app because that's.

 

Gina Hendrix:
well, first of all, you have to know that likes because I love to talk about the dating apps. I have my own dating app for a while. Yeah. Likes me. Nothing. Even matches, swipes me nothing. Women will go, this picture gets so many likes and yet it's from behind again. Like, it's like it doesn't count. It's not talking about you. It's whatever. Maybe your but but or they'll say I get so many matches and I'm like, matches mean nothing. You know, the only thing that matters on the dating apps, are they willing to put an effort. And if you're on Bumble, it means when you match with them they need to extend the time or you don't even talk to them at all.

 

Dr. Liz:
Interesting. That's an interesting approach.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Okay. What I call separating the men from the boys. Because believe me, if a man is truly interested in he's legitimate because men are swiping on every woman. A lot of. Guys. This is what they're like me, you know. And but when you match, that's when they go, hang on, let me read your profile. They read through. And either they're really excited about you or they're just like, and I'll let this go away, you know? And if they're excited about you, they're going to extend the time.

 

Dr. Liz:
And you agree.

 

Gina Hendrix:
And you can test it and you and I'll be right about that. Also, when you match, you should be matching with intention. So men that put down their career, men that probably if you're successful, you should focus only on those that have, you know, an advanced education, a graduate degree or master's degree for you. You definitely only want it. None of those guys that put their open to kids because. Now, I know what's confusing for women is that sometimes open to kids, people think of it in different ways. So if if he may have he may go because you've asked you need to ask them. Right. That's one thing you've got to ask them. So you put open to kids. Does it mean you want kids or and they'll be like, no, I'm open. If somebody has kids. Okay, But you don't want kids. You've got to repeat these things to me. You have to know how to pre-qualify. And then if you're on hinge, none of this liking business, okay, none of the hearts are roses. If a man cannot string three sentences together for you, you do not need to talk to him at all. You know what I mean?

 

Dr. Liz:
Agree, Agreed. But to get through all that initial of like looking at their education and look, you have to work like that is so much work and yeah. And it is so overwhelming And then also like so they're attractive certain heights or and educate like so then that's where also my friends give me a hard time because my list is so long, but I feel like I deserve to have a long list. So yeah, I'm not willing to shorten it.

 

Gina Hendrix:
But I would say, you know, what's more important is even because like when I do these swipe sessions with ladies, you know, in our coaching we're doing this, I call it man shopping or swipe sessions, but we're looking at guys and they're like, right away they see one the first horrible photo and they're just like, I go, Hang on. I haven't even read the details yet because sometimes good guys pick the worst photos of themselves, you know, And I'll remind the ladies, do you remember how you know how awful your profile was before I fixed it, where you don't have me helping them. So, you know, I say if his details look good in the beginning, like if you put an interesting career and his first picture is like, let's look further, let's just read the details. Let's see. Maybe he didn't pick the best photo in the beginning and maybe he's pissed sometimes. These guys that are players, the smoothest guys, they know what pictures to put. You know what I mean? They know so I think really lean more on the details and less on the pictures. You know, I'm not saying pick like hunchback or anything like that, but what I would say put more emphasis on reading those details before you sit by him. You know.

 

Dr. Liz:
Okay, fair. That's my hairstylist. Whenever I'm there, she's while she's standing behind me, she's like, okay, pull it up, let's look. And I'm always like, my God. And she's like, No, stop reading.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Like, like. And I'm like, okay, let your guys work. I want to look through. But everybody gets really like, you know, and it depends on how you're feeling and what frame of mind you're in. You know, if you've had a bad day and you're like, these dating apps, then you're probably not going to like anybody, you know. But if it's like your beginning of the day and it's like you're fresh and new for the day, and so maybe that's the time to go on and just do some swiping, but don't speed through it. You got to really take a little time and really read these profiles a little more fair.

 

Dr. Liz:
Okay, valid points. Tell us real quick before we wrap up. So when we're talking about going on a first date, what are some first date tips that you give? We have both male and female listeners. So when you know, putting your best foot forward, putting your A-game, what are some tips?

 

Gina Hendrix:
I mean, I think for the women, certainly, you know, and the men both, you definitely want to be on time and there's and nobody ever is going to count it counted against you if you're early. Never hurts to be early. You know, you have to really be present with the person people get so in their heads, like people will oftentimes ask me like, well, what questions do I ask? Well, you know, I can't sit here and tell you what questions to ask, because then you wouldn't be in that moment. You'd be in your head. Got to ask this question. Got it. So it's got to be just like this, a conversation of two people who genuinely want to get to know you or each other. So, you know, ask things that you want to know and listen and be present in the moment. But you definitely have to make sure you are dressed for the restaurant, know where you're going, know that you've put effort into your appearance, because I think some people get so beaten down by dating, they're like, I probably won't like him. So then they don't put in and then they do like him and then they didn't put their best foot forward and then they're not going to get a second date. So I also say no coffee dates. I hate coffee dates.

 

Dr. Liz:
I do too. I hate that when somebody says you want to go. I'm like, No. First of all, I'm like, You're cheap. So no. And second of all, I'm like, Yeah, that does not sound appealing to me at all. What you say is a good first date.

 

Gina Hendrix:
I usually set people up for dinner. I mean, I think I think dinner's a good go to, you know, Although I would like if I was just going to design it myself because this is what I would like is like an art opening is kind of.

 

Dr. Liz:
Fun because.

 

Gina Hendrix:
You know, you can walk around, you're not stuck. You can talk about the art. They usually have free drinks and snacks. If you're somebody doesn't want to spend a lot of money, that's a way to do that. And yeah, I think there's usually always an art opening happening somewhere. I mean, unless you live in the middle of the middle of nowhere, but I see some kind of an art of it, I think. A great idea. Yeah. Yes. And, and so if you're somebody that doesn't want to spend a lot of money, that's a really good way to kind of look interesting without you know, breaking the budget and also feeling like, how am I going to sit through a whole dinner, which I don't know why anybody who's not fully evolved and looking forward financial person can't manage to get through a dinner with somebody. Even if you don't like somebody, you can use it as practice conversation. You know, I just I don't understand when people say, I don't want to be stuck with somebody, To me, that just sounds terribly immature, terribly immature, You know what I mean?

 

Dr. Liz:
Yes. And probably not good conversational skills.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Probably not, right? Probably not. And so when I've done some picked up videos about coffee and how horrible that is. my God, you people just get furious at me when I tell them I don't like, you know, and I love coffee, but just not as a date. Because if somebody likes coffee, here's what it tells me. It tells me they go on a lot of first dates and not second dates.

 

Dr. Liz:
Interesting.

 

Gina Hendrix:
And then women. So but woman says, well, I don't want to waste my time, you know, but it's because you've got a lot of first dates and now you just want to get through it quick. And a guy that really wants to go to a coffee date, he doesn't spend a lot of money because he goes on a lot of first dates. So it's very telling when somebody suggests coffee.

 

Dr. Liz:
That's a good insight. Okay. My last question, when it comes to the check.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Yeah.

 

Dr. Liz:
What do you suggest formality wise around who picks up the check?

Gina Hendrix:
Of course, the man should. Always pick up you. Thank you.

 

Dr. Liz:
Say it louder.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Always shouldn't even touch the bill. Shouldn't even, you know, put, you know. And if a guy goes, you want to split it, I mean then you know that you just basically have to know at that point you could either because he's asking you if you want to split it. So you could just say, well, no, I'd rather not. He asked you or you split it, but then, you know, you just know that that's he's never going to get to see you again. Never again. I can't understand why a guy would would do that. Now, I will tell you one little story real quick. A girl that's going through one of my coaching programs is this is very interesting. And she's an attorney and she's 30. She's sweet and smart and, you know, she's dating this guy. They got to like three or four dates and it was like maybe their fourth date. And at the end of that date, he said, So do you want to split it? And she was like, okay, yes, she did. But now most of us would pull the plug and forget it. She didn't do that. She actually talked to him about it and said, You made me feel uncomfortable. All you this is not I want traditional male female roles. And maybe if I'm in a relationship, it's different. But like and they had a discussion around money and the expectations was very adult. And and he stepped up and he said, that will never happen again. And now there she just told us last week that he asked her to just be exclusive. So.

 

Dr. Liz:
Well, there you go. I guess that's what you get for communicating well and being this immature.

 

Gina Hendrix:
And I know I will say communication is key. And I think the number one thing that goes wrong in every relationship is when we we think things about other people. And we want to we want to think this is why this person did this. This is why you sometimes we got to give them the benefit of the doubt and just communicate clearly our needs and expectations and then see what happens.

 

Dr. Liz:
Yeah, yeah. Those assumptions can be the death of any dynamic, whether dating or long term. Yeah. And the check situation, I think it's difficult because I think men with the whole feminist movement and all of that and I identify as a feminist, but I also identify with those traditional gender roles and I appreciate that. And so I know men sometimes don't they don't want to be offensive, and so they don't want to assume and then women are demonstrating our independence. And so but I agree that, yeah, I mean, so if anyone's going to be slipping in my DMS, just know that you're paying for dinner because I am certainly not.

 

Gina Hendrix:
Absolutely. And yeah, and I think I think men are confused these days. Some women only want to be tested. Some women want to be called some men, and it is a little confusing for them. So I think, you know, and as for for women, advice for women is instead of like getting mad and assuming things, I think, you know, if you like the guy at all, then communicate clearly and just see either he steps up or he doesn't. But you have to at least voice how you feel. And I think men, it never hurts for them to get clarification to. Do you prefer to be called or text or shall I text you or. You know, I think now and it might sound not romantic anymore, but this is the day to which we live it. You just there's so many ways to do things. Nobody knows the right way, especially men. They just don't know what women want or expect. So clear communication is key.

 

Dr. Liz:
Yes, I love that. All right. You know, where can people find you on TikTok and Instagram and all those places?

 

Gina Hendrix:
Yeah. So on TikTok in Instagram, it's matchmaker Gina Hendrix, and then they can always go to my website. It's Gina Hendrix dot com and, and then for coaching and my books and things like that It's the great manhunt dot com the great manhunt dot com because that's the name of my most recent book is called The Great Manhunt.

 

Dr. Liz:
So I love it. Okay well it's been great chatting Gina thank you for the tips and the insights. It's been a great time.

 

Gina Hendrix:
This has been fun. Thanks for having me.

 

Dr. Liz:
Thanks, Gina, for the insider tips. And I look forward to adding myself to your database. Thank you. All for hanging out on relatable relationships. Unfiltered. Make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel, Sign up for my newsletter and find me on Instagram. Ask Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick.